A Simpler German No Cases, No Gender, No Capital Nouns

Due to many complaints about German being too difficult to learn, the German Institute for Efficiency in International Relations (Bundesinstitut fà ¼r Effizient in internationalen Relationen, short: BIER) has initiated an Initiative to improve the learnability of German. A commission consisting of renowned experts has already published some very promising suggestions. Among them: One (Article and Case) to Rule them All The articles, namely der, das, die, den, dem, des, shall be reduced to just one form: de  e.g. De Mann ist alt. Ich liebe de Mann. Ich mà ¶chte mit de Mann sprechen. The cases then can be eliminated (see example above) Prepositions do not have to be learned with their respective cases anymoree.g. De Schlà ¼ssel liegt auf de Tisch. Was machst du mit de Schlà ¼ssel? Adjectives will not require any ending anymore and simply be used in their infinite form.e.g. De neu Auto war teuer. Ich mà ¶chte auch ein neu Auto. Fahren wir mit dein neu Auto? Goodbye Capitalization Another idea  is to eliminate that nasty capitalization of nouns. Unlike in English, Germans tend to capitalize a lot of words. the house becomes das Haus. Actually any word that could use a   the in English is being capitalized by the Germans. And there are quite a few exceptions, like Mir wird angst und bange. meaning: I am scared. But its die Angst, so why is it not capitalized? You dont want me to go into detail here. Just learn it as an exception, that will be far easier than to understand the thoughts of those linguists who have simplified the German language in 1996. But soon the only words that will be capitalized will be the first letters of the first word in a sentence: Die Deutsche Sprache ist die schà ¶nste Sprache der Welt. will then become:Die deutsche sprache ist die schà ¶nste sprache der welt.   Simple, isnt it? And forget those, who complain about those absurd situations, where capitalization makes a difference. Those are rare enough to be ignored and you will certainly understand the meaning of those sentences with help of their context. Just some examples: Der gefangene Floh. means: The captured flea.Der Gefangene floh. means: The inmate fled. Hard to mistake one for the other, right?  Another example: Er hat in Berlin liebe Genossen. means: He has got lovely companions in Berlin.Er hat in Berlin Liebe genossen. means: He has enjoyed love in Berlin. Lets just get rid of those capital letters once and for almost all. More examples can be found here. A Single Plural The German plural forces you to handle 8 possible changes to the noun. Here they are in an overview (order: Singular-Plural): das Kind die Kinder (adds an -er)das Land die Là ¤nder (adds an -er and gets an Umlaut)das Auto die Autos (adds an -s)das Fenster die Fenster (doesnt change)der Vater die Và ¤ter (doesnt change but gets an Umlaut)die Lampe die Lampen (adds an -(e)n)der Tisch die Tische (adds an -e)der Sack die Sà ¤cke (adds an -e but gets an Umlaut)Whenever the plural does not already end in -s -n or belongs to groups 4 or 5, it will get an additional -n if it is in the dative case. We Germans are very proud of our sophisticated grammar. Please find me another language with nine options for the plural. And those are just the nouns. Imagine adding adjectives to those!   But as we are also very empathic and feel your pain, in the future you will only be confronted with one form: -(e)s almost like in Englisch. Some examples. Can you make sense of them?   Die Kindes waren all frà ¶hlich.All Landes brauchen Touristes.Ich habe all Fensters geputzt.Ich habe mit viel Vaters gesprochen.In mein Wohnung stehen fà ¼nf Tisches. Theres no need for Irregular Verbs Although theres only about a hundred irregular German verbs and in the end they are not THAT irregular, it simply doesnt make any sense to keep them alive. And despite all kinds of creative efforts to teach them in memorable ways, learners and natives, who have to hear non-natives speak broken German, still suffer from them. Then there is this brain-breaking auxiliary verb sein  that has to be used with some verbs in the Perfekt-past which will also be eradicated. In the future you will not hear sentences like the following but their updated versions: Old versionIch bin gestern frà ¼her von der Arbeit nach Hause gegangen.  I have left work earlier and went home.  New version  Ich habe gestern frà ¼her von de Arbeit nach Hause gegeht. Old versionIch habe dich ja lange nicht mehr gesehen. I havent seen you in a while.New versionIch habe dich ja lang nicht mehr geseht. Old versionHast du die Schlà ¼ssel mitgenommen? Have you taken the keys?New versionHast du de Schlà ¼ssel mitgenehmt? Much easier, right? A Tiny Step for a (Ger)man Those might be tiny steps for a German but huge steps for any non-German. If you are thinking of learning German any time soon, maybe wait until these rules are in place as it  will become a lot easier.   Please note: This article was originally published on  April Fools Day  and should be read accordingly.